Why Perfectionism is Not a Trait to be Proud Of
Sun, Jan 22, 2023
Perfectionism is an attempt by a person to appear to be perfect. Whether in their appearance, character or performance at school and work.
Researchers Thomas Curran and Andrew P. Hill define perfection as a “combination of excessively high personal standards and overly critical self-evaluations.“
*Symptoms of Perfectionism*
1. An obsession with lists, schedules, work, and planning.
2. Being overly critical of oneself and others.
3. Unrealistic expectations of oneself which one might mistake for being goal-oriented.
4. A deep-seated fear of failure.
5. A strong need for recognition and applause.
6. An obsession with avoiding mistakes and inability to forgive oneself after making mistakes.
7. A controlling personality.
8. Frequent procrastination.
1. An obsession with lists, schedules, work, and planning.
2. Being overly critical of oneself and others.
3. Unrealistic expectations of oneself which one might mistake for being goal-oriented.
4. A deep-seated fear of failure.
5. A strong need for recognition and applause.
6. An obsession with avoiding mistakes and inability to forgive oneself after making mistakes.
7. A controlling personality.
8. Frequent procrastination.
The pressure to appear perfect or achieve perfectionism is very high in today’s world where the media is full of images of people who appear to be perfect.
Most people might not even recognize their perfectionist tendencies as they seem to have been indoctrinated by the society around them.
The school system, parents, work environments, and social circles seem to have conspired to weed out anything and anyone who seems less than ‘perfect’.
An example is the Kenyan education system where teachers are under pressure to post perfect grades in national examinations, and they can only pass on the pressure to their students.
Most people might not even recognize their perfectionist tendencies as they seem to have been indoctrinated by the society around them.
The school system, parents, work environments, and social circles seem to have conspired to weed out anything and anyone who seems less than ‘perfect’.
An example is the Kenyan education system where teachers are under pressure to post perfect grades in national examinations, and they can only pass on the pressure to their students.
The past decade has seen a drastic change in school timetables with students waking up at 4 am, sleeping late, having teachers in class day and night, and sitting for a series of examinations every few weeks to ensure that they are adequately prepared for the national examinations. While the number of As and Bs has definitely gone up as compared to previous years, one wonders whether that has done anything to improve the quality of people that these institutions are producing.
One of the commonly occurring psychological problems I have noticed as a therapist with this breed of students is maladaptive perfectionism. A striving to be perfect ingrained in them so early on in life and poses a risk to their mental health and indeed their overall quality of life.
One of the commonly occurring psychological problems I have noticed as a therapist with this breed of students is maladaptive perfectionism. A striving to be perfect ingrained in them so early on in life and poses a risk to their mental health and indeed their overall quality of life.
Most workplaces are not left behind either. There is enormous pressure on individuals to prove their value and outperform others at work as well.
In a world where a person’s worth is based on their image, status, and performance; and nearly every product on the market from clothes to food, education, and travel is fashioned to transform the consumer into a better version of themselves, life has become for most people a striving to stay at the top based on these parameters. Failure to keep up is considered a weakness.
In a world where a person’s worth is based on their image, status, and performance; and nearly every product on the market from clothes to food, education, and travel is fashioned to transform the consumer into a better version of themselves, life has become for most people a striving to stay at the top based on these parameters. Failure to keep up is considered a weakness.
The lie that perpetuates perfectionism is the evidence of success (at work and school) that most perfectionists will present, For a while. Only an objective look at the life of a perfectionist can help to expose the deception. So, here’s why perfectionism is more destructive than it is beneficial.
1. Perfectionism is associated with an increased risk of suicide
Perfectionism involves an individual having very unrealistic expectations of self, leading to feelings of failure and shame when those expectations are not met and also feeling as though they are expected to be perfect by other people around them. They may feel under pressure to meet certain standards of performance and treat it as an obligation. The perceived pressure could be societal, cultural, or imposed upon them by people close to them.
According to The Integrated Motivational-Volitional Model of suicidal behavior by O’Connor, socially prescribed perfectionism (perfectionism originating from expectations one feels are imposed on them by external forces) increases one’s vulnerability to signals of failure and defeat, while feelings of defeat are responsible for feelings of hopelessness and humiliation. These two are considered key players in the emergence of suicidal ideation.
According to The Narrative – Crisis Model of Suicide, The Suicidal Narrative is made up of seven elements that form a storyline that is a representation of how a person perceives their past experiences and their expectations of the future. In this storyline, people think of their lives as unbearable, and they don’t expect any improvement in their future.
The Narrative identity of The Suicidal Narrative involves setting unrealistic goals, denying oneself of the right to happiness until these goals are met, and inability to relinquish these unrealistic goals and set up more realistic goals. The inability to achieve these unrealistic goals further leads to feelings of failure, defeat, and humiliation as well as perceiving oneself as a burden to others and finally the perception of no future. This explains the pattern of suicide among individuals considered by others to be highly successful. Perfectionism not only robs a person of their ability to recognize their achievements, but it also robs one of the joys of living.
Perfectionism involves an individual having very unrealistic expectations of self, leading to feelings of failure and shame when those expectations are not met and also feeling as though they are expected to be perfect by other people around them. They may feel under pressure to meet certain standards of performance and treat it as an obligation. The perceived pressure could be societal, cultural, or imposed upon them by people close to them.
According to The Integrated Motivational-Volitional Model of suicidal behavior by O’Connor, socially prescribed perfectionism (perfectionism originating from expectations one feels are imposed on them by external forces) increases one’s vulnerability to signals of failure and defeat, while feelings of defeat are responsible for feelings of hopelessness and humiliation. These two are considered key players in the emergence of suicidal ideation.
According to The Narrative – Crisis Model of Suicide, The Suicidal Narrative is made up of seven elements that form a storyline that is a representation of how a person perceives their past experiences and their expectations of the future. In this storyline, people think of their lives as unbearable, and they don’t expect any improvement in their future.
The Narrative identity of The Suicidal Narrative involves setting unrealistic goals, denying oneself of the right to happiness until these goals are met, and inability to relinquish these unrealistic goals and set up more realistic goals. The inability to achieve these unrealistic goals further leads to feelings of failure, defeat, and humiliation as well as perceiving oneself as a burden to others and finally the perception of no future. This explains the pattern of suicide among individuals considered by others to be highly successful. Perfectionism not only robs a person of their ability to recognize their achievements, but it also robs one of the joys of living.
2. Rejection by others
Perfectionists are guilty of setting unrealistic goals for other people in the same way they have unrealistic expectations of themselves. Most people will of course fall short. This gives room for the perfectionists to criticize and pick on what they perceive as other people’s shortcomings. Extreme Perfectionists may even thrive on conflict and drama which they create through complaining. Since most harsh critics are often very intelligent and accomplished people, the effect this has on other people is that they may end up feeling inadequate or might drive the self-aware person crazy.
No one wants to be around someone who’s always nitpicking. It’s not fun, neither is it good for your mental health. Perfectionists seem to be unaware of the effect of their behavior on other people and might even argue that people are uncomfortable around them because they ‘tell it as is’. In a real sense, they have a very huge role to play in causing other people’s resentment of them. At the same time, being overly critical could be how the perfectionist deals with the guilt from his/her own major shortcomings by directing his attention to others.
No one wants to be around someone who’s always nitpicking. It’s not fun, neither is it good for your mental health. Perfectionists seem to be unaware of the effect of their behavior on other people and might even argue that people are uncomfortable around them because they ‘tell it as is’. In a real sense, they have a very huge role to play in causing other people’s resentment of them. At the same time, being overly critical could be how the perfectionist deals with the guilt from his/her own major shortcomings by directing his attention to others.
3. Procrastination and avoidance of challenges
Perfectionists are plagued by a deep-seated fear of failure which is their most prominent driving force. As a result, anything that does not present a 100 percent chance of succeeding is a threat to the perfectionist, and they are likely to either avoid such ventures or postpone doing them; waiting for the day they will have everything figured out in their heads for them to start. This creates a self-defeating cycle for them as they will in typical perfectionist fashion criticize themselves for their procrastination, which leads to a rise in their stress levels and ultimately poor productivity.
Perfectionists are plagued by a deep-seated fear of failure which is their most prominent driving force. As a result, anything that does not present a 100 percent chance of succeeding is a threat to the perfectionist, and they are likely to either avoid such ventures or postpone doing them; waiting for the day they will have everything figured out in their heads for them to start. This creates a self-defeating cycle for them as they will in typical perfectionist fashion criticize themselves for their procrastination, which leads to a rise in their stress levels and ultimately poor productivity.
4. Increased risk of mental health disorders
Toxic perfectionism has been linked to a number of mental health disorders. A cross-analysis of 284 studies on suicide and mental health issues found that maladaptive perfectionism has a positive correlation with depression,(caused by hopelessness and feelings of defeat when unrealistic expectations are not met or achieved) anxiety(caused by fear of failure, or fear of rejection which leads to controlling tendencies), eating disorders(caused by self-hate and the striving for a perfect body image), self-harm and obsessive-compulsive disorders(repetitive patterns of behavior which are out of a person’s control in an attempt to contain anxiety)
The burden of trying to be perfect causes fatigue, constant stress, and tension headaches as well as insomnia.
Toxic perfectionism has been linked to a number of mental health disorders. A cross-analysis of 284 studies on suicide and mental health issues found that maladaptive perfectionism has a positive correlation with depression,(caused by hopelessness and feelings of defeat when unrealistic expectations are not met or achieved) anxiety(caused by fear of failure, or fear of rejection which leads to controlling tendencies), eating disorders(caused by self-hate and the striving for a perfect body image), self-harm and obsessive-compulsive disorders(repetitive patterns of behavior which are out of a person’s control in an attempt to contain anxiety)
The burden of trying to be perfect causes fatigue, constant stress, and tension headaches as well as insomnia.
5. Poor self esteem
One of the paradoxes of a perfectionist’s life is the obvious evidence of their intelligence and achievements; versus their poor self-esteem. Despite the fact that most perfectionists are overachievers, most of them are victims of what is commonly referred to as the “Imposter Syndrome.” First used by Psychologists Suzanna Imes and Pauline Rose Clance in the 1970s, the Imposter syndrome is a term used to refer to a person’s perception of themselves as phony which makes them anxious or nervous that they may be found out. This originates from their fear that they are not good enough to be doing what they are doing or not good enough to hold a certain position.
This preoccupation with one’s performance and trying to be flawless makes the person doubt their competence and so even though the perfectionist may look like they are comfortable with who they are, they struggle with self-acceptance and poor self-esteem.
One of the paradoxes of a perfectionist’s life is the obvious evidence of their intelligence and achievements; versus their poor self-esteem. Despite the fact that most perfectionists are overachievers, most of them are victims of what is commonly referred to as the “Imposter Syndrome.” First used by Psychologists Suzanna Imes and Pauline Rose Clance in the 1970s, the Imposter syndrome is a term used to refer to a person’s perception of themselves as phony which makes them anxious or nervous that they may be found out. This originates from their fear that they are not good enough to be doing what they are doing or not good enough to hold a certain position.
This preoccupation with one’s performance and trying to be flawless makes the person doubt their competence and so even though the perfectionist may look like they are comfortable with who they are, they struggle with self-acceptance and poor self-esteem.
*Conclusion*
Maladaptive perfectionism can be the barrier that holds back one from living out their life to the full. It is therefore important for one to work on this trait and others that come with it. One of the ways to do this is to challenge your core beliefs about yourself and ask how healthy it is to derive your sense of self-worth from an irrational belief that you can achieve perfection. Seeking help from a licensed counselor is also an alternative way of breaking free of this toxic trait.
Maladaptive perfectionism can be the barrier that holds back one from living out their life to the full. It is therefore important for one to work on this trait and others that come with it. One of the ways to do this is to challenge your core beliefs about yourself and ask how healthy it is to derive your sense of self-worth from an irrational belief that you can achieve perfection. Seeking help from a licensed counselor is also an alternative way of breaking free of this toxic trait.
